Faith

I tend to believe I am one of the more faithful people I know. Faithful, meaning someone who does many things strictly on faith without knowledge of how it will turn out. It is a hard attribute to have. The way I see it, is that it takes faith every time I get out of bed in the morning and more faith to get through the rest of the day. I think we all have that inside us, and most of us use that all the time. In this, I am not unique.

I had a conversation tonight with my mother which reminded me again of just how full of faith I am. You see, while I was raised to have some faith, I was taught more to rely on intelligence. For example; you make your own fate, rather than faith, in this world. Faith may seem like a foolish attribute to have in others eyes and sometimes even in my own. I tend to have faith things will work out and then they fall to pieces at times. Where did my faith go wrong? Was I not paying attention to what The Lord said or implied? Was I listening to the wrong source or was this just a test to see if I was listening at all? Was this a lesson to be learned for future use? I don't know!

Right now in my life, I am struggling with this dilemma. I believe that all the things seem to be happening in a certain order concerning a job for the Milton Hershey School. Now, I haven't worked full time in 10 years, I've been on disability, suffering in pain from an illness and BOOM a few weeks back my doctor gives me a new medication that removes my pain and makes me believe I am getting better. I feel, no, I BELIEVE that this was in preparation to acquire this job. A job that would fulfill my desire to be a mother and working member of society, two things I have been lacking for years. I have faith that this is the right job for Paul and I. Whether it is or not is yet to be seen since we have not even had a formal interview yet (though it is scheduled for this Wednesday). But again, I have FAITH that this is all leading up to accepting this 'higher calling'.

Along with having faith that this is the job for us, I have also been getting my hopes up pretty high, which is rather scary. I have even gone so far as to plan which items in our home to sell off, who can babysit our dogs during training & travel, assume which age group/gender home we will be assigned to (girls aged 7-11) and what great things I plan to teach them. I've even "Mapquested" the trip and located the nearest meeting house/Ward for our own worship. If this was a boy and I was 16, I'd swear I was stalking him! What can I say, I like being prepared instead of surprised!

I do have faith that this is the right move for us, and I have put my prayers into it. Let's see how this works out!