Oh Crap, Not This Again!

So, we're pregnant again. It's annoying more than anything since I never get the 'fun' parts of it.

Oh, I get the all day morning sickness, the crazy cravings, roller coaster emotions, the exhaustion and that's about where it ends. I have not lasted a pregnancy past the 16 week mark*. Usually around the 6th week the crazy cravings kick in...burritos this time! I'm sleeping 10-12 hours a day which my Fibromyalgia body is unsure if it likes, and drinking Pepto Bismol like it's water! I am glad to not have the huge baby belly, the swollen limbs, and all the other uncomfortable parts of pregnancy that go along with it, but I do miss the excitement of sharing the great news with friends and loved ones. And you know, no one throws you a "Lost Your Baby, Sorry You Miscarried" party! Now, when I find myself pregnant, my first thoughts are usually "oh crap, not this again."

I had a very rough miscarriage back in December which had pretty much left me swearing off sex forever. That did not last long. I guess I need to back up a bit and tell you that birth control and I really don't get along. First, since I've already had a reproductive organ cancer, I cannot take birth control pills or any method which would mess with the hormone balance in my already messed up system. Second, I have allergies. Can't use latex anything and forget metal devices in my body. Both latex and most metals send me to the hospital with infections. Third, spermicide gave us both horrible rashes! So, at this point I have two methods left: old reliable 'The Rhythm' and non-latex condoms. One I can't remember how to use and the other I forget to use all together. Basically, I'm sunk unless I become celibate, which my husband reminds me....oh never mind!

So here I wait, which is really all I can do. I wait for the inevitable bleeding and severe cramping to begin, with Percocet and heating pad at the ready...any day now, any minute now for this to be over. I'm not sad over having miscarriages anymore, just looking forward to that great promise of Menopause someday! Ah, no more 'monthly gift' from Mother Nature, won't that be grand.

I'm thinking that maybe having a "Lost Your Baby, Sorry You Miscarried" party isn't such a bad idea after all. Who knows, you might get an invitation from me once this is over.

*(The one time I did hit the mark, I was very glad it miscarried soon after. The child I was carrying was severely deformed with an additional limb protruding from its chest and I was in terrible emotional agony over it.)