Upper Lower Class

I've usually considered my family (Paul and I) to be more middle class than anything. Not too poor to lack electric, telephone or standard cable service, but not wealthy enough to have all those bills paid up at one time. I am now starting to rethink my classification of our family.

As I sat the the local Social Services office waiting for an interview for my food stamp application recently, I looked around and found that most of us in there all looked about the same. Ok, maybe there was an exception or two, but mostly, we were all in the same boat; poor. I keep wondering just how I got in this boat and just who did I need to talk to, to get out of the boat before the darn thing goes down like the Titanic? I don't remember choosing this boat and I really don't want to stay in it. I could jump ship and swim, but out in the middle of nowhere I am clueless as to which way to swim toward. I used to be a very good swimmer, lifeguard even, but now I'm sure time has taken a toll on my abilities and I might sink. Arugh!

I think back to the times when we both worked or when one of worked while the other went to school. In some ways I romanticized it as our 'tough times' that someday we would look back on and laugh at all the ramen soup we ate and somehow survived. Those were the days when I dreamed of being older and wiser, living in a large home of our own with children and no financial worries. I imagined I'd be about 40 and all those dreams would be realities. I thought for sure all of this suffering and hard work would pay off toward the future. Paul would have a great job in the IT field and I would have a great career, raise a family and do charity work for good causes. It would be so perfect, except.

Paul had difficulties, I had difficulties and down went our financial house of cards. The IT market became swamped with more graduates than it had jobs for, a recession hit, and sometime in there I became too ill to continue working. I've sold nearly every shred of evidence that I ever had been more than upper lower class. Gone are the Gucci handbags, business suits, expensive shoes, and gold jewelry. At 41, I'm trying to figure out how much I can mange to arrange with the electric company to keep the juices flowing for another month. And sadly, I think we're more poor now financially, than we ever were before. Ramen soup is still a staple in our home unfortunately out of necessity rather than nostalgia.

It's been a month and a half that Paul has been unemployed. The pantry is getting thin and there is $40 left in our bank account. Rent, electric, gas, phone, water, and my health insurance premium are all due now. I have shut off notices for the telephone and electric bills hanging on my refrigerator door to remind me that payment must be made by Friday to avoid 'interruption of my service'. And as for my food stamp application, I have a strong feeling I'll be denied because somehow we make too much money. Or at least we did make too much money when I applied.

Sorry this is not one of those feel good posts, but I am trying to find the humor in my own suffering. I'm too rich to be poor and too poor to be rich. I just need to let that out.

On a final note: POVERTY SUCKS!