I arrived at the hospital this morning just before my appointment time, already unhappy with the self-inflicted torture I was about to endure. I said a prayer before leaving the car, downed 2 Advil's and walked slowly to the door of the radiology unit.
Every employee I met was supremely pleasant and upbeat, though I felt uncomfortable with all of the "Pink" paraphernalia surrounding Breast Cancer Awareness EVERYWHERE. Guess what colors the walls were? You got it...pink! The pictures? Of Susan G Komen walks, ribbons and survivors. Yes, I know what a mammogram is used for...breast cancer detection, but darn if I wasn't scared just from the appearance of the place!
When it was my turn for my mammogram, I was asked to remove my top garments and to change into a robe that tied in the front. I was then taken into a pink room with the "Dreaded Mammogram Machine of Death" (it's not really called that but that's all I could think of it) where the technician picked out a few plates to 'pancake' me with. She asked about the lump, the pain, and where it was located. She told me that she was planning to do a regular mammogram, meaning take films of both breasts, then focus on the sore right breast for a few more films.
When she finished with the films she had taken, she asked me to wait in the waiting area while the doctor took a look at them. She explained that this was common and that sometimes they need to redo the films if they did not develop correctly. That's fine. A few minutes later, she asked me to come back in and take a few more films, but this time they were on my left breast. I asked her if she was sure, since it was my RIGHT that was giving me the trouble, and unfortunately she said the doctor had seen something on the LEFT side instead of the right. I shrugged my shoulders and prepared for more teeth-clenching torture. Did I mention that a mammogram REALLY, REALLY hurts? Especially when they want to get a better look, which means a tighter boob squeeze...OUCH! And back out to the waiting area I went, nearly in tears over the pain.
Another half and hour later, the technician returned to the waiting area to say the doctor wanted to do an ultrasound and took me back to that office. The ultrasound technician 'gel-ed up' and scanned my right breast like crazy. She even had to ask me to point out the painful right lump since it was not showing up on the screen. She moved over to the left breast and sure enough, she found something there. As she paused the scanner to take some photos, I blurted out "That can't be right. Are you SURE you have the correct breast?" She said there was a mass that looked suspicious and she wanted to go get the doctor to look at it herself. There I lay, confused and annoyed waiting for the doctor. I was just sure they, um, well I wasn't sure what they thought they saw, but I didn't feel anything outright on my left side. And then I did. I felt a pea-sized thing in my left breast. Not a lump like the one I feel on the right side, but more like a pea sized rock.
I think the ultrasound technician was gone a total of five minutes when I made this discovery and panic set in. When the tech and the doctor returned, the doctor looked at the screen and said they had ordered copies of my last mammogram to compare the new films to. She explained that while they could not find a lump in my right breast, they did find what looked like a nodule in my left breast. Once they receive the previous mammogram reports/films to compare this to, she assured me, they would contact my own doctor and go from there. Did I mention today is Thursday, my previous mammogram was done at a different facility and that the weekend was just a day away? I do not anticipate hearing back from my own doctor before Tuesday with any results, so it's going to be a long weekend.
I cannot say I am scared that it's cancer. I beat cancer before, I've had other cancer scares, and if it's not a spider, I don't scare easily. I guess we'll see what the future holds for lumpy, bumpy booby me.
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