I grew up in a home where issues were generally addressed and often, which may or may not be such a good thing. You can lose friends and respect for others over it!
Case in point: I emailed the parents of one of my 12 year old former Achievement Girls to let them know that some of their daughter's posts and pictures on Facebook were rather inappropriate for her age. I received a pleasant email back from the girl's father thanking me for looking out for his daughter. I noticed within minutes of receiving that email, that the girl had changed her profile picture to something more suitable but with the status update of "There, happy now? Go away and stop stalking me!" I assumed that her father had seen the bikini clad 12 year old in the provocative pose pictured on her Facebook profile and asked her to make a better choice, like a good parent would. I don't know what the conversation was like, but I know that I can no longer help keep her safe on Facebook as she has 'un-friended' me. I can only assume, which is dangerous I know, that her parents told her it was me who 'ratted her out'. I hope that her parents will take better care to see what their daughter is doing on-line now that I can't.
Had she been my daughter, there would have been a LONG discussion about appropriateness on-line and the constant presence of pedophiles looking for girls like her to stalk. Maybe I've seen too many "To Catch A Predator" episodes, listened to police reports on TV of teenage sex crimes, or have seen first hand what happens when a girl her age gets brutally raped. All I know, is that I did not want her to be hurt. And a pretty girl like her would be a major target for creeps out there.
As someone who was raised in a church with strict beliefs on immorality and modesty, it bothered me too, to see this girl going against everything she had been taught in church. As her former teacher in church, I KNOW she was taught these same principles and that she knows better. I understand that as a pre-teen and teenager it's important to fit in with all of your friends, I was there once myself and can understand the peer pressure. Maybe I was just different, but I did not give into the peer pressure because I knew what was right, what I had been taught, and what my parent would have done to me if I had gotten caught.
On a final thought, if she HAD been my daughter, she would not have even thought of posting such things on Facebook. Why am I so sure of that, you ask? First, she would not even own a bikini. Second, I would be "so far up into her business" on-line that she'd be terrified of me seeing anything inappropriate. And third, I'd be the one setting her privacy settings on Facebook since she is too young to be on there without my parental consent. 12 is not the new 21. 12 year olds should not be trying to be sexy, should not be thinking about having sex, or posting that they "are in a relationship" with a boy on Facebook.
Like I had said earlier, addressing issues may lose you friends and respect for those friends. Sadly, I think I have done both in this instance.
Cordelia - I love this post. Better you lose a friend by trying to protect her than in another way. At 12, kids just really don't understand how big the world is and just how many people can access those photos, comments, etc. They also don't understand or believe, or both, that some people exist only to hurt others, physically or emotionally. Good for you - I know her parents are grateful to you for your comments.
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